From Blinded Eyes I See

The definition of  trust is the dependence on someone or something.

I thought I knew what it was, but I'm realizing I'm just at the beginning of this trust activity called life. Dependence means that you must rely on that other person. The ball is no longer in your court. You don't call the shots, but must completely depend upon that other person.

Having trust in the Lord requires so much more than saying, "Lord, I believe." It is possible to believe in someone and not really trust them. I believe that God has a plan for my life. From every mental capacity of my brain, I believe that God has my best interests at heart and He will provide for me.

The sad thing is, this belief of mine is often just head knowledge.

To fully rely on God, I not only need to believe him and what his word says about him, but I must begin to TRUST that he has a beautiful story he's writing about my life that is far better than my own.

I thought I could see, but sometimes it takes not being able to see, to begin to understand.

So friends, God is teaching me to trust him when I can't see the way. In fact, it has taken an temporary physical blindness of sorts for God to really show this to me. I haven't been able to see much for the past few days, so I've had a lot of time to think while I've been lying in bed.

I previously said, "Ok, Lord, I know you're leading me in this direction, so these are the plans I've made to reach that goal. I've saved a bit here, and budgeted there, and everything should work out just fine! I've got this under control."

Nowhere in my agenda did I leave room for handing the plans over to God for him to take control. It's taken time, but I'm learning to place my trust in His omnipotent will, instead of my weakly laid out plans.

This means there may be a whole lot of detours in the road map I made for my life. No doubt there will be plenty more bumps along the way, but I am just as certain that joy will come from those tough times.

How do I have this confidence? His word is a daily reminder that He's drawing the roadmap for my life, if only I let go and trust him.

"Trust in the Lord with all of your heart and lean not on your own understandings, in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will direct your paths."

Proverbs 3:5,6

500 peppercorns

This is a post for those who may look at this blog and mistakenly come to the conclusion that Liz Tate has a pretty awesome life.

Granted, I have gotten to do some pretty amazing things in the past couple of years, but they're mixed with their hardships. For now, I'm sitting smack dab in the middle of one.

As I write, I'm currently sitting at my kitchen table eating my lunch. My lunch was supposed to be a burrito bowl of chicken and black beans over quinoa, but has turned into something I like to call "500 pepper crunch burrito bowl."

Let me back up a bit....

Last Thursday, during my last half hour of working, the baby I watch just so happened to reach back and poke my eye while I was holding her.

I am not the kind of person who will go to the doctors if I can help it, so I tried to forget about it, hoping the pain would be gone when I woke up the following day. Unfortunately, it was worse, so my sister-in-law sent over some eye drops that were left over from her lasik surgery.

My parents were in town for the weekend, and trying to be helpful, my dad offered to put the drops in my eye... only he grabbed a bottle that wasn't eye drops.

On top of the scratches to my cornea, I also got a lovely dose of Maximum strength Grapefruit Seed Extract, which is basically a very concentrated form of pure acid.

So much for Liz not wanting to see a doctor. In the past 5 days I have seen 2 different specialists on 3 different occasions, and have 2 more appointments lined up for the rest of the week.

According to my charts, I have an 8 mm lesion with chemical burns. I'm currently blind in the one eye and so far, there has been very little healing. Just a little bit healing to say the least.

A few weeks ago, I prayed about it, and felt God calling me to go on a mission trip this summer. After carefully planning out how I would pay for the trip (and bills back home as I am away for 2 months), I agreed to go on the trip. As soon as I said yes, my car broke down which cost a whopping $550.  It was a minor setback, but I know that God has plans, so I continued planning for the trip. Next, I got the news that my job would be ending 5 weeks earlier than I thought. That got me down for a couple of days, but I thought, "I'll find something, it'll all work out." As soon as I had peace about the finances again, then everything happened with my eye. Not only am I paying to eye specialists and the medication, but it also has meant that I can't work.

I've been trying not to pity myself, as I stumble blindly around the kitchen attempting to make my lunch. just as I was adding some fresh ground pepper to eat my burrito bowl, the cap broke and EVERY-SINGLE-PEPPERCORN ended up in my bowl. My eyesight's so fuzzy that I couldn't tell a peppercorn from a black bean. So after scraping off the top layer, I've resigned to my crunchy, spicy, lunch.

I hope I can someday sit back and laugh at it all and point to the ways that God was using these things to grow me, but in the moment, nothing's funny.

I want to be able to see His hand in my life. To not become defeated with I am faced with hard times, but to be honest, it's difficult.

Maybe I'm so focused on wanting to see how God's working in my life right now, that I've forgotten that he asks me to trust him. And for that, I have to follow him blindly.

Perspective Changes Everything

I walked down the beach to watch the sunset this evening. I needed the time to unwind from a day of work, but also wanted to get away to seek God about some upcoming opportunities in my life.

God used this time of undivided attention to whisper his thoughts to me. I came to God seeking answers and instead was given the impulse to get down close to the ground to look at a piece of sea weed.

 From my vantage point above, it looked like a bunch of barren sticks sitting in the water.  As I knelt down to really look at it closely, these sticks came to life with each individual branch gleaming from the setting sun. I was amazed to see how the perspective changed the way I saw those sea branches.

It was as if someone whispered in my ear, "perspective changes everything." So I asked God, "what perspective should I be looking at these decisions I have to make? His answer was simply, "Mine."

I've been looking at things from one angle. It was a narrow point of view, and one that did not include beauty in it. I can become blinded to everything and just see things straight up the way they are, at least from my one perspective. I've been looking at the opportunities that have been unfolding for this summer, and instead of seeing God's hand at work, I've been asking myself, how will I provide? 

Of course the answer for my question was also being answered by God in the very moment, when a flock of seagulls landed in the surf.

Look at the birds. They don't plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren't you far more valuable to him than they are?

 - Matthew 6:26

How quick I am to forget His provision in my life!

I sat on a sand dune to watch the sun slowly sink down into the horizon. I said to myself, "wow, that sky is amazing!" As soon as I thought it, God spoke to me again, "The beauty is not coming from the sky itself, it's coming from the Sun. It's the Sun's reflection on the clouds that cause the sky to be so beautiful. The "messier" the sky the sky is with clouds, the prettier the sunset ends up being. 

 I broke down with the realization that I am a flawed person. All I have as an offering to Christ is my messy life, but he uses that very same mess and makes it into something good to reflect His glory, the glory of His SON!

God uses our failures, mess, and often the ugliness in our lives to bring His beauty into the world. He asks that we give all of ourselves, withholding nothing, and with that, he transforms us into something beautiful. 

When we can see only the mess, he whispers to us, "Perspective is everything. I want you to see your life through my eyes."

Self-Publishing School

I want to take a moment to share a big announcement in my life....(drum-roll please)

As of today I have officially begun the journey of writing and self-publishing my first book!

I'll be working with a network of around 70 other people from all over the world who are also in the midst of writing their own books. I can't wait to share this journey with you guys (more on the subject of the book later).

Like a Sea Star

Alright, here it goes.

I've written a half dozen different blog posts in the past six months, but have never posted them.

My life went from new discoveries every day, to being dramatically less exciting within moments. By mid-July, I longed to just rest my head on the same pillow for more than two nights in a row. While on the one hand I thrilled in the new adventures, a large part of me longed for the comforts of something that was familiar. Once I was back in the US, I began to realize that the things that I though were so familiar, seemed foreign to me.

How many times had I dreamed of being able to get whatever I wanted at the grocery store, just to get there and stand in confusion for 30 minutes because of the mass variety of products available. There's a whole isle of different kinds of peanut butter! An entire grocery store in Ibadan can fit inside the produce section in any given store in the US.

Part of my struggle with adjusting back to the US was the sudden lack of purpose. I came back without a job in line. I moved to a new city where I hardly knew anyone, and at first, I thought it was the most wonderful thing. After traveling for a month straight, and being swamped with grading, lesson planning, and school for months before that, the quite and solitude felt amazing.

We are not meant to live like this though. Everyone needs a drive to keep them going and I didn't know what that was. I had given four years of my life to teaching, only to confirm that that wasn't where my dreams lie.

On top of all of that, for a time, I didn't even know HOW  or WHERE to get out and do anything. I felt glued to my sofa. I'd been living confined in a compound without the freedom to wander around at will. Once I had complete freedom, I didn't even know what to do with it. Where would I go? I didn't know anyone, what could I do?

One evening, I was tired of sitting on the couch, so I decided, no more of this! For the first time in months, I got up and went somewhere by myself! I took a walk along the beach at sunset, and it was amazing. I had been living in a place with so much pollution and smog that you could never see a truly colorful sunset. Here, however, I was surrounded by beauty beyond description. It stirred something within me, I would no longer be content with letting my life pass by me as I curled up in my safe cocoon!

Last week, I was walking along the beach and came across several star fish stranded on the beach. One of them was in the surf. Wave after wave washed over him. All he had to do was let go, and he would be free to be washed in the waves and back in the ocean.

I realized that I've been a lot like this. I've been afraid to let go of the things that I thought were keeping me on solid ground. I thought the occasional waves washing over me were enough to give me life, but when I let go, I found that there was a whole ocean that I was missing!

So if you wonder why I haven't blogged, well I've been in hibernation. I've turned a new chapter in my life and have exciting things in store!

In the beginning you were singing 
In the end you'll still be singing over me 
In this moment you're right beside me 
You're everywhere, you're in the air that I breathe 

You are an endless ocean, a bottomless sea 

In my sin you kept loving 
There's no end to your forgiveness and mercy 
Every morning you keep coming 
The waves of your affection keep washing over me 

You are an endless ocean, a bottomless sea

Jonathan David Helser

Home 7.19.14

I'm posting this 7 months late, but here it is...

Today I arrived home after 7 months and 13 days of being away and 11 months since I first embarked for Nigeria.

This past year has given me the opportunity of living overseas, getting immersed in new cultures and making some amazing new friends.

I haven't added the exact minutes, but approximately 10 full days out of the last 365 have been spent on an airplane. 

The travels started a year ago today when one of my college roommate's and I visited another roommate in Colorado. After returning, I had just weeks to prepare for my journey to Nigeria. 

In the past year, I've been in 19 different airports in 12 separate countries and in 4 different continents. (And some airports multiple times) I've flown with numerous airlines.  I've stepped foot in 6 new countries.  

This marks the end of one chapter and the beginning of a new one. 

All Heaven and Earth Sing

The past several weeks have been filled with constant busy-ness. From writing and grading exams, packing, then saying goodbyes to an amazing trip to South Africa with my brother Brian(more on that later).

This past weekend Briand and I went to an Afrikaans church in Wellington, SA. Although I couldn't understand the songs or sermon, there is a sort of joy that comes with worshipping with believers in other tongues and nations. Although we speak different languages, we worship the same God. Our same Lord is praised from one end of the earth to another. 

As I was thinking about this today, a thought came to me. We don't just worship God with fellow believers accross the world, we are also joining in a heavenly chorus. I guess I've thought about it before, but it never really registered with me. We sing and join in the chorus with the angels and with those who have gone before us to heaven. All of heaven and earth sing his praises in one giant chorus!

Revelation Song

"Worthy is the Lamb who was slain

Holy, holy is He

Sing a new song to Him who sits on

Heaven's mercy seat

Worthy is the Lamb who was slain

Holy, holy is He

Sing a new song to Him who sits on

Heaven's mercy seat

Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty

Who was and is and is to come

With all creation I sing praise to the King of kings

You are my everything and I will adore You

Clothed in rainbows of living color

Flashes of lighting rolls of thunder

Blessing and honor strength and glory and power be

To You the only wise King

Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty

Who was and is and is to come

With all creation I sing praise to the King of kings

You are my everything and I will adore You

Filled with wonder awestruck wonder

At the mention of Your name

Jesus Your name is power, breath and living water

Such a marvelous mystery

Oh, You're worthy, mystery

You are worthy

Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty

Who was and is and is to come

With all creation I sing praise to the King of kings

You are my everything and I will adore You, I will adore You"